LiVe YoUr DrEaMs..

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 04:32:40 GMT

ABOUT YOU
Your name:: Sarah Marie Tankiewicz
Height:: 5'4 ..shawwtyy, hehe.
Natural Hair Color:: Bloondiie;)
Eye Color:: Green
Glasses/Contacts?:: Both!
Piercings?:: Tongue, Bellybutton, 9 on my ears
Braces:: Nooope =)

FAVORITE
Color:: Pink!
Band:: Oh many many many
Song:: Youre the only one .. and lots more.
Stuffed Animal:: My pig which I still believe is a teddy bear that I dearly love and sleep with every night
Video Game:: Mario or Banjo Kazooie!
TV show:: Anything on MTV baby.
Movie:: You Got Served, Shrek 2, Chasing Liberty, Save the Last Dance .. and manyy more!
Book:: Hmm .. I really dont know ..:-/
Food:: Subway! Eat fresh;)
Game on a cell phone:: Snake!
CD cover:: Um I dk?!
Flower:: Roses!
Scent:: Abercrombie Signature *&* VS Angel
Animal:: Puppies :-P
Comic Book:: Uhh ..
Cereal:: That cinnamon one ..
Website:: Livejournal, fb:-/ lol.
Cartoon:: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?;)

DO YOU
Play an instrument?:: Used to play piano, flute, and clarinette
Watch T.V. more than 60 hours a week?:: Do you think I lack that much of a life?
Like to sing?:: Sometimes ..
Have a job?:: Yep
Like to play sports?:: Yes:)!
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: Uhh nooo
Have a crush on someone?:: More like somethree, lol.
Live somewhere NOT in the U.S.?:: Noope
Have more than 5 T.V.'s in your house?:: 4
Have any special talents/skills?:: Uhh .. dance? I dk. lol. Im good at talking too, oh and sitting on my ass.
Exersize daily?:: Yahp!
Like school?:: Sometimes ya!

CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?:: I think the real question is can I sing the alphabet FORWARDS!
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: Yes.. one of the benefits of being a dancer I suppose ..
Speak any other languages?:: French
Go a day without food?:: four! lol
Stay up for more than 24 hours?:: I get sleepy ..lol.
Read music, not just tabs?:: Yes.
Roll your tongue?:: Yep
Eat a whole pizza?:: two pieces .. lol.

HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?:: Yaa
Cried to get out of trouble?:: Lots of the time
Gotten lost in your city?:: Of course, Im blonde.
Seen a shooting star?:: No:-/
Been in any other countries besides the U.S.?:: Oh Canada!
Had a serious surgery?:: Nahh
Stolen something important to someone else?:: Someone, lol.
Solved a rubiks cube?:: What do I look like, a genius?
Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: Half the time thats what I wear lol
Cried over a girl?:: When I was grounded from Olivia! yes!
Cried over a boy?:: Havent we all?
Kissed a random stranger?:: Nahh
Hugged a random stranger?:: Yep
Been in a fist fight?:: Me *&* Amanda .. hehe;)
Been arrested?:: Almost .. but no, just banned from all Hollisters *&* Abercrombies in the continental U.S.
Done drugs?:: Ciggs & alcohol ..
Had alcohol?:: yes
Laughed so hard milk came out of your nose?:: No ..soda, lol.
Pushed all the buttons on the elevator?:: Oh who hasnt!
Gone to school only to find that you had the day off due to a holiday/etc?:: No but Amanda has! lol.
Swore at your parents?:: Um, yes?
Been to warped tour?:: No =(
Kicked a guy where it hurts?:: You better believe it! lol
Been in love?:: Not sure..
Been close to love:: For sure
Been to a casino?:: Noope
Ran over an animal and killed it?:: NO!=-O
Broken a bone?:: No =(
Gotten stitches?:: 3 times! All on my face! lol.
Had a water balloon fight in winter?:: Do I look crazy to you?! Wait no .. dont answer that ..
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?:: No I dont think so .. lol.
Made homemade muffins?:: Nahh
Bitten someone?:: YahP! lol.
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?:: Twice
More than 5 times?:: Noo fucker
Been to Niagra Falls?:: Noo
Burped in someones face?:: Drunk, ya
Gotten the chicken pox?:: Yaa

WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth?:: Before I started this survey
Went to the bathroom?:: Well I really dont keep track .. I appoligize
Saw a movie in theatres?:: Like 2 weeks ago
Read a book?:: Lets see, how many years ago?
Had a snow day?:: This year
Had a slumber party?:: Well .. 3 people spending the night, when they had the play @ HP
Made fun of someone?:: I constantly do that ..
Tripped in front of someone?:: Probably today
Went to the grocery store?:: With Olivia .. Monday?
Got sick?:: Today!

I`ll finish this later .. theres a lot more

Diip iit Low ..

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 15:22:50 GMT

K so Im sittin here eatin watermelon bein BOOOREED. lol. I woke up 18 minutes ago. Yesterday was fun. Around like 12:30 Brittney came over, we just talked, she cut my hair=) lol, then my mom took us to her house around 5:30, we walked around, then ran into Seth, and wanted him to come to Dougs with us, but NO, gahh. lol. So then we went to Dougs, then came back to her house, called my mom, and went online, and talked some more. Then my mom picked me up and I got in the car and shes like 'you were smoking!' and im like 'no i wasnt' and shes like 'let me smell your breathe' and I COMPLETELY forgot about the tongue ring and I just opened my mouth real wide and breathed on her! and she didnt even notice! lol. She still thinks I was smokin .. tooooo bad cuz I wasnt! lol. She kept sayin 'you know what smoking can do to you, dont you?' or 'your being dumb by smoking' and I just kept tellin her I wasnt smokin, but oh well she dont listen to me. My dad came home drunk last night , haaaa. I stuck my tongue right in his face and he didnt notice either .. what attentive parents I have, ya think? lo.. Then I talked to Jack, and I was just tellin him how he either has really bad timing or he just wants me now cuz I dont want him. And he went on and on how honestly he always wanted me, and I told him that to me, words are useless, if you care about me, SHOW me. I mean .. the things I did for him, okay I stil cant go to Abercrombie or Hollister ever again, I have permanent scars all over my wrists, and I have a pierced tongue. I mean, there was never ONE thing he EVER did to show me he cares about me .. maybe not letting me have alcohol that night .. but guess what, he eventually gave it to me, thattt shows he cares?! Ohhhh well.. I dont have any feelings left for him and thats all that matters, and I told him that if any feelings he has for me are still there, he might as well just try to get rid of them .. then hes like, well I cant control my feelings, and Im like well try to, I DID. But yaaa, no more Jack!! lol. It was funny. I was at Brittneys and we were talking about Nick n Seth, and we were saying something about Seth and shes like well do you like him more? and Im like 'ya I think I like him more than Seth' and shes like '...you mean Nick?' and Im like oooh yaa, and shes like, Got Seth on your mind, ehh? lol. I dk it was funny, one of those things you had to be there. I wanna go swimming bad, I wanna go to the wavepool man!! lol. I think Im gonna with Olivia, Im gonna go call her, BYEE

Yayy

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 14:36:08 GMT

With the tongue its so far so good! lol. I dont have to work today=) .. although I would love it if people would like to join me in attending a beautiful hot sunny day at the wavepool! But noone is awake! And whoever is awake .. is at school!! lol. So ya, and Liz wont wake up because shes lazy, and my dad is off who knows where and my mom will be gone for hours getting her hair done .. so that leaves me to do what? Sit here and write in this thing I suppose? yepp. lol. Last night me and Seth were actually having a conversation, it was sooooo weird! lol. It'd been a LOOONNNG time! But Im glad were talkin again. I slept with my contacts in last night and Im thinkin I should maybe take em out for a minute and put em back in so they arent all dry? oooh whhoooo knows. k well Ive wrote enough, Im gonna go take a shower, find people to hang out with today, and stuff like thhhat! Happy Summer;)! lol Byee!

Reeaddyy

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 01:03:32 GMT

Okay so I have allooot to write! K ..

*Saturday- I woke up at like 10, came home from Danas .. mom went up to the fair at 12, me and Liz stayed home, I passed out on the couch, woke up at 2, mom took me to the fair .. hung out with Nick *&* Seth there. Me *&* Nick stopped at his house then walked to 7-11 to meet Olivia, walked back .. then hung out some .. and me and Olivia then walked to 7-11 again and to Hilton Billiards and played some pool, and went tanning, then Chris picked us up and took me back to the fair. Then I walked with Nick to National City to get money for him to get an elephant ear cuz Im just that nice! lol. But I "owe" him .. alll well! K so then ya I went home around 11:30. Lisa *&* Kelly found out I got my tongue done .. oooops.

*Sunday- Woke up at like 9, took a shower and got ready .. went to church .. it was in the tent .. went home, got ready again, went to the fair. Was about to go home, saw Charlie, hung out with him .. then saw Nick n` Seth! so I walked around with them, we went to Nicks house for a little bit, then just walked and walked more, then Nick left so me and Seth walked up to Citgo to get Red Bull & Pimp Juice. Walked to Dougs .. then went back. Olivia *&* Chris came and we hung out, then went to play pool, then got back and we stole a cellphone .. it was quite difficult and involved police but thats okkkayy. Then they left, then I got really sad, it started raining, I had a white shirt on, well we all know what happens then .. OH YA, I QUIT SMOKING=)! yayy. So ya, I like twwwoooo people! And neither of them are Jack so that gives ya some biiigg clues, lol. But ya, Im bored and wet and might go watch them Pistons play? yeeaaah.

She gotta earring in her tongue and she know what to do wit it:-P;-)*

Sat, 12 Jun 2004 15:08:08 GMT

Yayyy! Tongue is niiice;). K so what happened yesterday was I woke up and went to school .. had my history exam .. blahh, got home at like 10:15. Did a whoooole lotta nothin until my mommy went to go meet Danas daddy lol. Then my mom brought me over there around 6 .. we went up to the SMM fair for a lil .. hung out with Nick *&* Seth a lil .. went over Nicks .. and .. I learned that I can bench alot! hahh no. Then we went back up to SMM and called the guy who was doin our tongues..then he picked us up and brought us to his friends cousins house. And I made Dana go first .. I was SOO scared. I almost passed out, I didnt knwo if I could do it. Ahhh! lol. It was worth it! It just hurts! And I havent ate since yesterday morning but me & Dana tried eatin a waffle this mornin..it took like a half hour and I didnt even finish it and it hurt like hhheeellllll! lol. So ya, then Cecilia and Sarah picked us up and took us to go get ciggs then we went to the pool hall and Dana learned how to play pool =) lol. We won both games .. and we both suuuck, lol. It was fuuun. They let me smoke in there, it was nice. haha. Then we went to CVS to get listerine for our tongues..were not supposed to smoke or french kiss for a week..but Ive already had like 6 ciggs .. ooooooops! lol. So ya, then we went to rent EuroTrip and we watched like the first 45 minutes then went to sleep at like 12 .. we was tiiiired!! lol. Then we woke up at 10, and my momma came got me at like 10:45 .. I hid my tongue ring from her on the car ride home .. I am AMAZING! haha. She did aske me if I was smoking though cuz she smelled it and I was like no and shes like oh does Danas dad smoke? and Im like ya. so that was fine. Just hope she dont go through my purse. lol. I think IF she found out about my tongue ring, I could get out of it without gettin in trouble, but I DO think shed make me take it out..especially since I dont think I got a 3.5, and that means the tummy ring comes out=(. gahhh, report cards come THIS WEEK! lol. Im gonna go shower! Then go up to the fair! Byeee!;)

It`s this feelin again ..

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 14:54:14 GMT

k I got outta school at 9:45 .. isnt that great =)?! last day. no more school. Im a sophmore nooow. k. I cannot wait till the fair tonight. I wish itd stop raining though=( .. haha Im gonna wear a white shirt tonight just for the fun of it;) lol. Oh yes some exciting moments I forgot to tell you about about last night. when I went over by like where they normally sell snowcones Thomas is like 'I want a hug' so Im like okay and I gave him a hug and he pulls some cash outta his pocket and a few quarters and is like 'How much can this get me?' and I went to slap him but he moved his face and hes like 'if you hit me Ill hit you back!' and im like 'ohh i believe you' and I walked away lol. I cant wait till Saturday. Olivia is bringing me weeeed. ;) k ya, lol. Thomas wants to come over today before the fair but I realllllly dont wanna be leading him on and I mean..the way I act around guys who like me when I sorta like them...Im a very flirty kinda girl;). lol. And I dont want him to think that I want a relationship or anything if it winds up that I dont. Were just gonna stay good friends for now. Damn Ive never been in control of a situation like this besides like with Robbie, and Charlie, and Glenn, and Brendan, and Ty (but I never liked him). I like it! lol. Eventually Itll be diffferrrenntt though. Krystal is mad at me because of Thomas I can telll. But I mean .. technically I cant control when people like me or not? But I think its cause when she liked Charlie he liked me and now Thomas? but I dk. Shes my friend though, so I really couldnt hurt her like that. And Nicholle likes Thomas too. And so does like everyone else, so Id feel bad if he like "chose" me over them ya knooow. Guys arent worth my girls!!!=) Im doing this whole new thing where Im nice to everyone .. its very difficult. Alright well Im gonna talk to Krystal shes not doin all to good:-/. And then I think Im gonna wake my lazy sister up .. its almost 11! lol.

LONG ENTRYYYY!

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 10:53:41 GMT

K this is gonna be long. So yesterday I had my bio exam .. I failed it with like an F minus!! lol. Seriously though. After that my momma took me to the mall to pick up my contacts and I bought a cute playboy bunny shirt at Spencers. Then after that I came home and started getting ready then at 3 I went to Amandas and we just did a whole lotta nothin then left for the fair at like 5:15 .. came back here so I could grab a skirt and get our tickets then we went. Wow we had alooottta fun. There was this one carny who was like begging me to play his game and Im like 'if you give me a ciggarette' and hes like 'aw i dont got none' hes like 'this girl might' and hes like 'you got ciggarettes?' shes like 'what do I look like a gas station?!' and then I had to play 2 games for $6 and give the girl $2 for 2 ciggs, lol. I gave one to Amanda .. thats just how nice I am. lol. Then when I won hes like 'Im gonna pick out YOUR prize for you' and he grabbed me a heart plushie that said LOVE on it, lol. Then I hung out with lotsa people. Then Brittney and Krystal came up there so we hung out and then Kristyn comes up to me with 2 ciggs in her hand and okay shes like 12. lol. so I asked her where she got em from and she pointed to that same girl and Im like can I get more? shes like its my last one you gotta pay me $2, haha and I did. So me and Brittney shared that one. This girl is like taking all the money people were giving her for ciggs and buyin a carton and sellin em to us the rest of the weekend hahahah. Wooo. I dont feel bad about smoking .. everyone has their faults. K so then I kinda hung out with Glenn. I got pissed at him, cuz we were in line for the Eclipse and I was like 'Glenn shut up your acting like you did last year and its disgusting' and he goes 'just like how you cut your wrists last year?' and evvveryyone heard him. And he doesnt even know I have recently. And like .. he was the reason for the first time I ever did it, so he should have shut up! lol. Then this one lady randonmly came up to me and Liz and was like 'Oh Liz I didnt recognize you cuz of your hair, and well Sarah, with those legs in them skirts, I always know who you are' hahaha. Then they closed to fair early like at 9 for the Pistons game, wtf, lol. So we still had another hour so we went in this one room in the school to watch the game but got kicked out. So Me, Liz, Thomas, and Amanda went to the freeway to throw a carmel apple over lol. He told me he liked me, but right now I cant even like .. think about anyone else at the moment .. Im too overwhelmed with life, lol. And I dont wanna be goin out with anyone at the fair, itd really suck. lol. But his muscles are like whooooaaa! lol. Then we went to this counter and I was like 'can I have a pepsi?' and hes like 'what kind? diet or regular? regular .. cuz you dont need to diet' then he winked at me! and he was like ollldd! lol. But ya thats prettty much all of wat happened. It was fun .. very very fun and I forgot to tell you like half the things that happened but thats okay. K? k. I gotta go to school now so byeee.

WTF

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 03:47:44 GMT

No .. I am done cutting, no more. All this reality check shit hit me like 2 minutes ago.

Things I need:
*good grades
*good health (minus ciggs and drinking)
*friends
*family
*FOOD
*dance
*music
*self-confidence
*FUN!

Things I want:
*a guy who just simply wants to be with me, not sexually related or nothin, oh and if he was really hot that`d be great;) LOL.
*To be really pretty
*Lotsa money

Thats a little start. I dont wanna be a 'cutter'. I`ve only got 3 gauges in my wrist .. and hopefully they wont scar. I dont want them. I want to be a fun person, a crazy person, a person who can make people smile=). Here goes the start of my new life .. it`s starting with the fair=)!! In 18 hours and 13 minutes baby!!!!! =). I love this. I feel so good.

Guess?

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 01:12:19 GMT

Soo ya I`m kinda just sittin around with a pair of small sharp ass scissors in my hand .. hah ain`t that the life=)? I`m SO excited for this weekend. Glenn is going to the fair too! And scott prolly .. then Brendan will be there .. then Nick *&* Seth .. and just bunches of people! THANK GOD its coming up tomorrow so I have something to do to preoccupy myself and people to be around after going through shit I went through today about Jack. I dont have the desire to talk ever talk to him again, dont need him, dont want him, end of story .. truuuust me .. you`ll never hear about him again;). Dance was EXHAUSTING. 4 hours tonight, and we learned finale, and finished our rehersal for just the modern finale. Our modern dance is SOO fucking cool! You have NO idea. You special people who I invited to my recital are lucky you get to see it;) So far I know Olivia & Dana are goin .. I still wanna ask Kori, and then I might ask Shane .. oh ya! hes goin to the fair too=). Im so happy actually though, cuz I was gonna ask Jack to go with me but then I think of all the fun Id be missing out on .. all the things I HAVE been missing out on cuz of his dumb ass. K ..done with that=). lol. Bio final tomorrow .. havent even opened the book .. oops. Yaaaa .. times to deal with pain .. thats all =)

How far?

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 17:17:18 GMT

Woo .. 3rd *&* 4th hour exams today .. SOOO easy. Got my two lang. classes doneee (English & French) .. tomorrow is bio ahhhh! I dont go to school till 10 though, cuz I have a study hall 5th hour .. so that`s good. Hmmm ya. My mom is being mean today. We went to Meijer after school and like when we left shes like 'theres otc' im like 'ok i know' and shes like 'you have serious relationship problems and now i see why' and im like 'what are you talking about?' and shes like 'youre needy, you whine, and youre mean' and im like 'thhhannkkkss'. But ya, fuck her. My goodness.. I didnt sleep at all last night .. besdies the fact that it was hot as fuck.. I was like thinkin alot about assssssshooooolllllllllleeeeeeeesssss. lol. I woke up at 4:30 and realized my ASIM signed me off, so I restarted my computer and fixed that and got some lemonade..then went back to sleep till 6:24 and then took a shower..which the water like burned my wrist so bad it was like burning, and it was like cold water cuz I was so hottt. And ya, then I got soap in em (yes..plural, lol), and well that didnt feel all too great. Then while I was taking my shower my mom went to Tim Hortons, and got me a cappucino and a bagel. So I got ready and left around 7:15 and had my bagel on the way to school and only had 2 sips of my cappucino cuz I forgot it in the car=(. lol. Ima dumb one. Gueeessss whhhhat! Seth is going to the SMM fair. Man I havent seen him in a long time, we might be hangin out. And Nick is going to and Im supposed to be introducing him to someone, lol. I know this weekend Im gonna do something stupid, bein out till 12 with random people 4 nights in a row .. yyaaa, Im gonna try and be good. I NEEEED A FFUUUCKKINNNG CIIIGGGARREETTTTEEEEE! Hang on Im having someone bring me some, lol...BYE!

yessuum ..

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 03:21:03 GMT

I overcame one of my greatest fears. That of cutting with scissors. I never could. I could only cut with a razor, so it scraped off the skin then started to bleed .. I couldn`t carve, I couldn`t dig .. I was too afraid to then. Had a long conversation with Jack .. basically I just told him how Im kinda in love with him and his responses had to do with trying to make it look like I was 'changing my mind' or things in his situation are different and we`re good friends who have sex and comfort eachother when we`re sad. Wellll I don`t want that. But I want him. But I cant have him. Instead I have these scissors lying here next to me, and the best part of it is .. noooone of you can stop me. Not to put a burden on anyone..but there is only one person who COULD stop me, and I dont want them to, cuz then they`d have to pretend like they cared. Juuuust let me do what I wanna do, cuz I`m gonna do it anyways, why piss me off along the way? I don`t really cut anymore to feel the pain, I`m immune to it, now I cut to have scars. How many times have I cut myself? many. How many scars do I have, the tiniest little one in the left corner of my left wrist. That doesn`t remind me of the reasons why I felt so bad I had to cut myself, no, I need these reminders so I don`t make the same mistakes over .. I WANT these scars. I NEED these scars. Don`t talk to me about this whole cutting thing because the only person I can even talk to it about is Dana. and maybe someone else. But not you, do dont say anything to me.

Oh noo..

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 01:47:06 GMT

I`m HATING this! I may be able to put on a show for all of you and convice you whatever the hell I want .. but no matter HOW hard I fucking try to convince and pretend to myself .. IT DOESNT WORK!!! =(. I don`t feel like I`m being me .. but then again, I mean .. okay about everything I`m lieing to you all .. about the way I 'feel' .. lies lies LIIIES! I`m a LIAR! I`m not telling the truth to ONE single person .. not even MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I like this? Sucks that I`d do anything .. even this .. to just be with the person I wanna be with .. nnnnnnnnnnooooooo results though. ah well. I can`t even fucking explain what I`m thinking right now so I`ll stop.

I know you like to think that ..

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 19:27:15 GMT

Woo first day of my NEW life Jack-free. Hmm..today I had my math exam which I didnt really study for and it went great =) So did my UCC one .. I think I got an A-? Which is good enough for me. Then after school I went to Panera with my momma and sister, and then we went to Target to get me a huge supply of Midol cuz Im like dieing lol. Then we went to my moms appointment which was fun for me cuz I got my smoking break for the day. Then we went to go to SIC and I picked up my check and somewhat set up a work schedule for the summer..man Im gonn abe makin ALOT of money! 6-8 hours a day..like 5 days a week..you do the math! lol..my mom figured Ill be making about $10,000 this summer. After this next check my momma's takin me to buy me a nextel. Ooh yay. Then we went to the bank after I got my check and I cashed it and everything is fine with me thinking that my account was gonna close and stuff, and my mom finding out when the transactions were made..so everything is fine with that..Im pretty much stress free now, I got rid of my box of ciggs so my mom cant see that and the only thing I have in my purse badly cuz of now is a condom which my mom would just believe that its my huge fear of rape, but I dont need it anymore cuz I dont plan on having sex with anyone annnyytime soon..and thats cool with me=). So ya, the only thing that I have to be worried about at all right now is my mom finding out I smoke, and well..the fact that I did shit with Jack and got drunk? But I dont even care about that right now so Im just worried about the smoking thing. I told Paula like everything yesterday, shes such a good shrink! lol. She was like telling me how shes not gonna tell me not to have sex shes just advising me to use protection, and just to be careful when drinking because of my medicine and she doesnt care that Im smoking ciggarettes as long as its not weed..and like, I dk I really like her though! Its been just about a year since Ive been seeing her! lol Im SUCH a dork. Im happy today though..I think I look cute today, haha, with my new dorky glasses that I love! After school Veronica grabbed me over by her and shes like Sarah you look so cute today omg and she was like messing with my hair, haha. I love my friends=)..even though they`re wayyyy too good to me! lol. I wanna be a really good friend back to all of them, so thats my new goal! I am SOO hot right now its not even funny...air conditioning PLEASSE! Agh..my dad needs to put it in, lol. I like hate him as of now. When I had Dana over Friday night he came home drunk..hah, and when I had Kori, Gina, and Sabrina over after the play @ HP that one night, he came home high .. I mean, he can do whatever the fuck he wants..just not when I have friends over! lol. I dont care though, with my moms new business he`ll be leaving any day now! thankkkk GOD! lol. Then again, I cant count on my fingers and toes how many times hes left and came back.. gggrrahhH! lol! K well I gotta go buy new pointe shoes..I have dance tonight=( lol and ALOT of studying to do!!! BYE!=)

BTW! Me and Seth started talking again=)

YoUr BoDy ..

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 04:08:00 GMT

Okay so ya it`s done. I just talked to Jack and most normal people wouldn`t have thought anything went wrong and things were okay or whatever..but..Im not normal people..and I see some peoples intentions that they themselves dont even see, and well I can tell you Jack doesnt wanna be with me and nothing I can do or would do will change that. And its something I need to accept, not cry over or try and change. Thats life! But the sad thing is I cant be his friend .. not WONT .. but, cant. Itd be too hard, I mean, I loved him, he just kinda liked me ya know. Thats not even it. I mean, Jack is an awesome guy, but I mean, he flirts alot, unintentionally maybe too, and like, to someone who likes a guy they automatically think of it as 'oh hes leading me on'..which I dont because I know better, but you cant stop it from feeling like that, plus, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I WANNA HURT MYSELF STAYING HIS FRIEND KNOWING THAT THATLL NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR ME?!?! ahh. lol. Its cool I can 'lol' about this, lol. Last time we got in a fight, I kinda just turned all the pictures on my binder over or whatever..but with the help my wonderful sister, some got burned, some got ripped up..I dk it was a good way of copeing ..no Im not crazy, lol. And then just like things Ive said to him online that I wrote down before I said and stuff..ya, its all gone, even the page in my planner that had his b*day written down, alllll of it, lol. I took off his alert, took him off my b/l, I deleted my fb accounts, everything. And I am SUCH a hypocrite cuz honestly, if tomorrow he were like Sarah I wanna be with you. Itd be the best day of my life and of course all this would change. But the thing is, that wont happen..but just tellin ya if it did, the same shit wouldnt apply. But ya, Im tired, bye.

Gahh ..

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 02:34:14 GMT

Okay so my tummy stopped hurting for a while .. now it hurts again! =(. And things with Jack get like badder and badder all the time .. and my friends, BADDER is not even a word!!! So I studied maybe a half hour..what a fucking slacker. Then me and Liz played soccer, and I went over to my neighbors. Wanna know what pisses me off!? Guys on FB. Who the fuck would like wanna meet people online? It`s gross and for those who are desperate and can`t get people on their own! I mean ..

mikeythelaxstar5: Im chillin on the phone
x9beautiful6x: fun
mikeythelaxstar5: wishin it was u though;)
mikeythelaxstar5: u know

No .. I DONT know! Gahhh it`s just one of those things I will never understand.. get a life people! Liz is trying to help me..its not working.

"At least for me it happened .. not again though"

RoSeS ..

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 19:21:41 GMT

Okay so today was the last day of actual school. I cleaned all the clothes out of my locker..which was 1 1/2 garbage bags full of them..lol I`ve always had a tendency to leave clothes in my locker..whhhat. But ya.. we had 40 minute classes since we had a class meeting for mock election awards and like scholarship awards..etc. Yaaaa. So I have my math and UCC finals tomorrow annnnd I`m gonna die..cuz normally I might think to study now..but my stomach is killlinnng me! I have cramps like whoa and am so bloated and I feel like shiiiiit! I HATE periods..like really...guys are so lucky..they don`t even know it! ahh! But ya, in UCC we finished watching that movie. In English we just talked and had chocolate milk and donuts..and then in french we finished getting all the shit for reviews while I wrote Kristen back a note! lol. Then class meeting then Study Hall..then Bio where we finished dissecting the pig! I`m gonna FAIL the final! Like....badly!!! But ya, then in history we just talked and reviewed. I don`t really talk to Jack all that much anymore...It makes me sad:-/ ;( But...oh well. I wanna go somewhere with him this weekend. Im officially like ungrounded I think..it feels great. lol. I was realllllly scared today..cuz I accidently left my purse at home..annnd if my mom found some stuff in it..well..that would not be good. Just yesterday I had to take all my effort into convincing her I`m not on any drugs. Gah she`s so difficult..but I feel bad for her cuz she doesnt feel good either and like my tummy is killing me I`m gonna go lay dooowwwnn! Bye!

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 03:25:04 GMT

I stopped studying to write in here..gooood job Sarah! lol. Today was fun! I had dance rehersals at 10 and then ended around 1:30..then I came home and Liz told me we were gonna go with Charlie, Jared, and Amanda to the movies..sooo I took a shower and got ready. Then it got all crazy and Husam drove me and Amanda and Liz to Star John R like an hour after we were supposed to be there and we didnt see Charlie so we walked to the mall and went to Gadzooks and I tried on lingerie, lol. Then we walked back to the theatre and just me and amanda and liz saw Shrek 2! And it wasnt that bad! lol. Then we walked to like Burger King, and then Toys R Us, then Target, and Mervyns, and ya! lol..we`re bored kids! Then we went back to Star and called the mothers and "occcupied ourselves" in the meantime, and none of you will ever know how=)! wooot! lol. And then we found out Meysam *&* Chris took Tony *&* Matthew to see Harry Potter 2, so she drove us to Amandas grandmas which was hella fun cuz shes caldien so alllll her family was there and we all played soccer, and I hit her uncles lexus twice, and then this Jeep that was driving down the road...then her little cousin...whoooopsss! lol. It was fun, I was so hot and exhausted and ahhh I still am! Then I got home and talked to Jack which was the best part of my WHOLE day=)! K well I just did some studying..and I need to finish, but fuck I ain`t gonna..I`m gonna go see what Lizz is doin! Can`t school just be over yet?!?!? Ahhhh!

Lonng time..

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 13:24:54 GMT

It`s been like a long time since I`ve written in here! So here goes a long ass entry.

*Tuesday~ I skipped dance to start studying for finals and it took me like 2 hours to just organize all my shit. I talked to Lisa on the phone and she told me how she doesn`t like me because I`m "bad" .. hah well, you can`t disown your family now can you?! nahh. Then ya, that was that.

*Wednesday~ I got home at like 1:30 to start my history chart, and wasn`t done until 9:45..and I only took like 2 15 minute breaks..annnd I`m still not done! Isn`t that crazzzyyy?! yes! Well ya I skipped dance that night too cuz I had too much to doooo.

*Thursday~ We had 35 minute classes since we had an end of the year mass. What fun. After school I had to go with Liz and my mom to Nordstrom to get Lizz some dresses and shoes, and I got a skirt and a pair of flip flops. The skirt is really really really cute! It looks like a hooker skirt! lol. Then we had Liz`s graduation, and after that I went to the mall with Amanda, her mom, and Liz, and we went to Gadzooks to get Amanda a bathing suit and other things.

*Friday~ I ate SO much! ommmmg! In EVERY class we had food! Not to mention the english picnic! ommmg! ahh! lol. After school I came home and waited to go with my mom to pick Liz *&* Amanda up from the wavepool and she was wearing my bathing suit so she had to pay me $20..I`m so mean. lol. Then we went to the mall to go to D.O.C. to get our contacts and glasses that came in. Then I got a REALLLY cute bellybutton ring that is like a dangly one with a rhinestone tinkerbell, yes I like it very much. Then once we got back Liz asked Krystal to come over and before that we went to Morgantes to get pop, and I burned my finger with my cigg, lol. It still hurts. I`m so blonde. Then DANA came over!! *DiZz*&*SiZz*=) And we went to go to "7-11" hehe. Then ya, we talked alot, and watched 'Pieces of April' and 'Matchstick Men' But ya, the good thing is my mom really likes her and think`s she`s like this really really good girl, which helps when I go over there over the summer to get fuckkked uppp with her =)! lol. I can`t waiiit!

*Saturday~ We got up at like 11, and then ya she went around 1? Then we had to go a few places then once I got home I had to start getting ready for Liz`s confirmation. Then at like 3:30 we left for that. And like..I personally think I got wayyyy too dressed up! I had this like black dress from Express which had some rhinestone thing on the front and it was like really pretty but really fancy!! lolol. Then I curled my hair and ya. After her confirmation we went to Marinelli`s for dinner. Alotta people came.. Hmm .. Me, Liz, my mom, my dad, Uncle Andy, Marie, Leah, Brandon, Uncle Larry, Uncle David, Linda, Lisa, Sam, Josh, G-ma, G-pa, Lisa, Scott, Lucy, Billy! Ya I think that`s it? But ya. I had veil parmisan or something but it wasn`t that good soooo ya. Then after that we came home and I did a whole lotta nothin!

Today! I just woke up from the weiiirddest dream!!! It had to do with Nick! wtf! haha and well..you can just guess what happened in that dream. haha wooo I have such a crazy imagination!! But ya..anyways..I think Jack is either mad at me or just really doesn`t care to talk to me that much anymore, and either one I guess is fine..Ohhh well!! lol. But ya, I have a dance rehersale for modern and tap at 10, till 1:30.. =(!!! lol. We`re rhinestone-ing our modern costume! yayy! Well ya, I gotta go get ready for that! I`ve come to the conclusion that... I need .. a new man! lol.

<3 * TiZzO~TriXx~SizZ!

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 01:44:46 GMT

Name~ Sarah
Birthdate~ 1/17
Current Location~ Ferndale, Michigan!
Hair Color~ Brown with hi-lites until like a week or so and its back blonde! lol.
Righty or Lefty~ Righty..I can write pretty well with my left hand though!
Innie or Outtie~ Innie!

SeRiEs TwO~Describe:

Shoes you wore today~ I wore like 3 pairs.. I think they were all flip flops!
Your hair~ My hair is like..a little past my shoulders..and its straight most of the time and brown with blonde hi-lites.
Your eyes~ Green..kinda small..alot prettier now that I have contacts!
Your fears~ Rejection *&* spiders!
Your perfect Pizza~ Hawaiian! or just cheese.

SeRiEs ThReE~What is:

Your most overused phrase on AIM~ "mmhmm"
First thought then you wake up in the morning~ 5 more minutes?!
First feature you notice in the opposite sex~ Eyes
Your best physical feature~ Umm..if I had to say..my calves. lol.
Your usual bedtime~ Umm bedtime? nah. I usually go to sleep around like 12 though.
Your greatest accomplishement~ Tonight I did ALL of my homework!! LOL!
Your greatest memory~ A certain night..

SeRiEs FoUr~Do you:

Smoke~ Not really
Cuss~ Fuck ya
Sing~ Try .. haha.
Take a shower everyday~ More like a shower AND a bubble bath=)
Like highschool~ Yep
Wanna get married~ Prolly not..
Type with your fingers on the right keys~ If I wanna lol
Believe in yourself~ Sometimes
Get motion sickeness~ Nope
Think youre attracitce~ Nahh
Think youre a health freak~ I actually can be at times as unSarah as it may seem..
Get along with your parents~ Pshhhh what parents?
Like thunderstorms~ Sometimes yes
Play an instrument~ I used to play the piano, the flute, and the clarinet!

SeRiEs FiVe~In the past month did/have you:

Drank alcohol~ Fo sho
Smoked~ Yeaah
Done a drug~ Nah
Made out~ Yes
Gone on a date~ Not really..
Been to the mall~ Yess
Been on stage~ Nope
Been dumped~ YA
Gone skating~ Yeah
Gone skinny dipping~ Noppe
Died your hair~ Nope
Stolen anything~ Uhh..Im done with that kiddies! lol!!

SeRiEs SiX~Have you ever:

Been trashed or extremely intoxicated~ Yep
Been caught "doing something"~ Nahh
Been called a tease~ Jack always calls me a tease
Gotten beaten up~ Nope
Shoplifted~ Uh ya
Changed who you were to fit in~ Nevver

SeRiEs EiGhT~The future:

Age you hope to be married~ If..like, 25
Number and Names of Kids~ Caelee Marie, Nicholas James, and Jamie Lynn
What age do you want to die~ Like 80?
What do you wanna be when you grow up~ An attorney or therapist
What country would you most like to visit~ France or Mexico
Current Clothes~ A HardRock Cafe shirt from TOKYO and a pair of shorts from AF
Current Mood~ Accomplished
Current Hair~ Up
Current Annoyance~ Not sure yet
Current Smell~ Vicrotia Secret Pink perfume
Current thing you oughta be doing~ Talkin online cuz my homework is done=)
Current desktop picture~ JOAQUIN ESCAMILLA!! Hes so fucking hott!
Current favorite groups~ Lots!
Current DVD in the player~ Not suuure
Current Worry~ Things wont be how I want them to be
Current Crush~ Jack

Lemme put some PiMpiN in it ..

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 00:49:17 GMT

OMG I feel SO good! Gah! Listen to this.. I got ALL my homework done..ALL 2 1/2 hours of it! What the hell is going on?! Then..I worked out for like an hour! And..I ate SO healthy today..I had like, scrambled eggs for breakfast..cauliflower for lunch..and toast for dinner! And I drank so much water and like 264097 glasses of milk! Then I laughed SO fucking much today! I dont think Ive ever laughed as much in a MONTH as I have today! And ALL of this is due to my lack of medication..weird huh? I really just dont wanna take them anymore..but then I know how I get when Im at a depression point. So ya, its best to take them..! But I feel SO accomplished and am SO on the right track to getting over Jack! I chased Liz around the house like 26098 times..with a hairbrush! gahh Im so dorky! lol she said I am one of the funniest people she knows when I wanna be! Which is nice to know! haha. I actually can be really really funny, but it gets SO annoying, but to Liz it doesnt which is why I love her so much! She puts up with my crazyness! haha k well bye!

Hmm..

Mon, 31 May 2004 01:25:11 GMT

Just forget that last entry! I was pissed! I know what I want now! And if you ask me I just might tell you ;)! byee!

You take everything..

Sun, 30 May 2004 22:33:17 GMT

I feel so like emotionally sick..I dont know who I am..as bad as that sounds..I dont know what I believe, or what I think, or what I want or anything. I feel like I just make choices and decisions as they arise and I dont wanna do that. I mean, I thought about the whole Jack thing today..and when I was at his house and deicided to do what I did with him..the fact that we werent in a relationship didnt even cross my mind ONCE..not at all..and I mean..the fact that I woulda done more, that doesnt make me feel all that great. I mean..Kristen told me that the first time she hangs out with Chris she isnt even gonna kiss him..and theyre going out..and she has that will power..if I were to do that with almost any guy..even NOT going out with them, theyd be like fuck that. And I dont want that. I want a guy to want to be with me for who I am..not for what I can give. And I dunno I just wanna take a break from alot of things right now..because whatever is meant to happen should happen and I have alot of shit to sort out with myself..I hate when Im this type of person, and it seems like Im always this way..and I hate it. I wanna know what I want and need and expect out of life..and I dont. Anyways, we went to Marias with my uncle today and I met Leah and shes so pretty, she looks so much older than she is too. But then again Maria ia absolutely gorgeous. We went over there and their house is huge and beautiful and omg, its awesome. Then we went to Red Robin to eat and the bill was $105..for me, liz, my uncle, maria, leah, and brandon..wtfff?! lol. Then we went to the movies and the girls saw Mean Girls and the guys say some movie about liek storms or something, the end of the world? I think its called The Day After Tomorrow? I dk. But ya, then we were gonna go to Hooters but they were closed, so we went to some Sports Bar while we waited for their movie to end..I had a huge burger at Red Robin and I disgusted myself, so I just had a water at the sports bar..I really need to, want to lose weight. I didnt realize HOW fat I was until today and it made me wanna puke like you would NOT believe! Gah I hate my body, hate hate hate hate HATTEEE it!!! =(. I really need to work out alottt more, which is more productive then writing in here so Ill go do that now..I wanna lose like 40 lbs and Im not kidding. Well byee!

Till the break of dawn..!!

Sun, 30 May 2004 03:14:26 GMT

Woot so ya. Today was boring. I went with my sister to BMC and ya, she talked to her therapist and it took like a freakin hour and a half! I got so impatient and my mom wouldnt let me walk to Qdoba!! lol. So then we went to the mall and Liz got her contacts and since my stigmatism I could just practice putting one of em in and she had me keep it so really since my right eye is so much better than my left eye to begin with, Im fine with just one in! lol it gives me a headache though..I have to get a toric contact for my right eye..and that and my new glasses which are cute and dorky (hehe) come in a week from tuesday..what fun! Then we went to Mrs. Fields and I got a peanut butter cookie=)..Then I was gonna get a really cute bellybutton ring but we had to leaveee! I was sad..lol. My mom said shed buy me 10 new bellybutton rings if I got on 1st honors..talk about bribery? lol. One is a thing of 2 cherrys that are pink rhinestones then the other one is a dangling rhinestone fairy, its so cute!! lol. My dad is so weird, when he got home he came in my room and me and Liz were talking and I was being hyper and Im like 'ferme la porte!' which in english means close the door..and hes like 'family report?' and im like 'ferme la FUCKING porte!' and he started laughing hysterically and I was on my bed and he walked towards me and I kicked him and he left my room laughing..it was amusing. Speaking of laughing, I got grounded offline for a half hour because my laugh is too annoying to my parents? wtf! haha..my mom said I sound like a hyena in heat and my dad said I sound like a horse..and its too loud and annoying and so is my voice, so now I have to work on that laugh of mine! haha theyre so mean! oh well! But ya Im watchin Degrassi and I have been for the past like 4 hours!!! Im excited for the new season like whoa! I wish Jack would sign on..I really wanna talk to him! But ya.. I have a headache too..so Im gonna fix my profile again even though its pretty just because Im bored, drink my orange pop and watch Degrassi=)! *My lips miss your lips=(*

Be pushed aside..

Sat, 29 May 2004 14:44:51 GMT

Im bored. And I definitely dont wanna leave here in an hour to go with my mom and sister to Birmingham Maple Clinic (my sister is FINALLY being evaulated to see what the hell is wrong with her!!), and DOC..cuz like, since I have a stigmatism, my contacts have to be ordered you know and I dont get a trial pair, but Liz does, and my mom has to go and pay for everything today, so the lady said I could practice putting one on and off so I didnt have to do it when they came in..but Id much rather be at home. I want really bright green eyes, mine arent green enough=(. But ya, I need to take a shower soon and get ready. Tomorrow I have to go with my uncle to meet his girlfriends kids..theyre like, 13 and 9..what fuckinnn fun! lol. She lives in Canton though..which is far. But ya, I had a weird dream last night..which had to do with flying to Chicago and having sex with Jack. hmm. My mom came in my room at like 8:30 this morning to go on AOL and do shit for her business, and SHE TYPES SOOOO LOUD! and she was on until 10:15!!! And I couldnt sleep even though I had music on!! gahh! lol. Oh well..I went to bed early, like around 11, lol. We all knoooow Ima dork! lol. Monday Im going with Kristen to Great Lakes to go out with Chris (her boyfriend) and Justin (a guy she wants to introduce me to). lol. That should be fun..I need to go shopping..SOOO bad..I have a check to pick up too..I kinda wanted to save it=(..I have a problem with money, lol! But ya..I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLLY (and I DIDNT copy and paste that which really shows you how much! lol) like Jack! Gahhh..! Oh well..I actually like how things are right now..a relationship just didnt work. But ya..Im gonna go take a shower now and get ready..byeee!

Finally..

Sat, 29 May 2004 03:13:35 GMT

No school till tuesday=)!! yayy! lol. Today was tiring..I didnt sleep last night, lol. In school we did a whole lotta nothin .. we had a 1/2 day for teacher appreciation, and ya, I had a few tests and that was that! Then after school I came home and went online and cleaned my room! Then I went with my sister and my momma to Oakland Mall to go to DOC cuz I had to pick out new glasses and get measured for contacts..woop, Im gettin em next week.. I woulda got a trial pair, but I have a stigmatism in my right eye I guess! So theyre like two different prescriptions..! I picked out really dorky glasses too! I love them! lol. Then me and Liz went to Mrs. Fields and I got me and her and my mom a cookie, and I got 2 peanut butter and one sugar cookie..okay well my mom didnt want the sugar or peanut butter one since she wanted a butter toffee, so I ate it and Liz got sooo mad at me because I accidently ate her cookie=(..so like she yelled soooo loud in the mall shes like 'you FUCKING ate my cookie!' shes like 'Sarah..your FAT! you just FAT! look at yourself! your the fattest person I know!' and this guy was like sitting there laughing at her and hes like 'you guys arent friends are you?' and shes like 'hell no!' and hes like 'are you sisters?' and shes like 'heeeelllll NOO!' lol it was funny..I left her there though because she was being mean! But ya then I came home and went online, then I talked to Liz about random things for two hours, then I went to shlleeeppp then I woke up like 10 minutes ago! And Im gonna go back soon! lol..Byebyee